1) Adam larrson because he is worth Taylor hall
2) gohst because he has a cool name
3) risto because he was drafted 8th
4) ceci because he was drafted at 15th
5) zaitsev because the leafs already have too much value

Lmao

TBH I would rank them like this:

1) Ristolainen
2) Gostisbehere
3) Larsson
4) Zaitsev
5) Ceci

Ristolainen is so bad defensively that he should be nowhere near #1.

Larsson
Ghost
Risto
Ceci depending on the contract he gets
Zaitsev (awful contract makes him the least valuable)

Ceci is horrifyingly bad in every situation, he should be ranked the least valuable.

Zaitsev isn't even an NHL calibre player though, and comes with a boat anchor of a contract. Ceci's production alone makes him more valuable than Zaitsev.

1) Ristolainen
2) Gostisbehere
3) Larsson
4) Ceci
5) Zaitsev

two of those guys are awful. Ceci and Zaitsev. So that leaves three decent players.
Personally I would go
1. Larsson
2. Risto
3.Ghost
……… tied for last Ceci and Zaitsev.

I'd go
1. Risto (1-3 are close though)
2. Ghost
3. Larsson
4. Ceci
5. Zaitsev

Lol Zaitzev is very much an NHL calibre Dman. As a 4-5 DFD getting paid 2.5-3 million over 2-4 years he'd be fine, but he was being tasked as a 3-4DFD with a 7@4.5 contract.

Larsson - Good DFD, decent all round game, fair contract
Ghost - Young LH OFD, develop properly (with babysitter) and he should be a fine top 4 guy (maybe a jake Gardiner, who is badly underrated).
Risto - RH OFD, needs a babysitter
Zaitzev - Replacement level as is, if he ever re-discovers his offence he can be a decent player on the right team
Ceci - Arguably the worst Dman in the league

Switch Ceci and Zaitsev and I'd say it's accurate. Ceci is younger and an rfa which is why I say that. Otherwise I agree with your list

The next time ol' Nicky turns and bombs the puck down the ice for an unnecessary icing without taking a second to look for an available teammate, or gets beat cleanly, I want you to look at your post and strongly consider the choices you've made in life to get to where you are.

Zaitsev is about on par with Kris Russell - save for handedness - in terms of effectiveness, and I hold Russell at a phenomenally low standard. I'm convinced that the Leafs' success against Boston in the first round hinges on Zaitsev overperforming or the group of Reilly, Hainsey, Muzzin, and healthy Dermott+Gardiner being able to outperform his blunders. Is he a better option than Ohziganov? Definitely, but I'd be seriously considering playing Holl over Zaitsev every single game for the rest of the season and playoffs.

I think you mis-understand my argument.
I am in no way saying Zaitzev is good (overall) right now.
I am saying that there are aspects to his game that are good qualities (on the defensive side without the puck and in retrieving it).
After getting the puck, he panics and throws it away, and that is the issue. Even with that in mind, he can play 20+ mins a night at replacement level against top 6 lines. He would be used best in a lesser role, at a much lower contract in terms of both aav and term.

The offensive game, if he ever recovered it, combined with his currently replacement level defensiveness against top lines in big minutes and a usage reduction to a pure #4, would make him a fine #4 Dman was my point. As is, his offence numbers (which I believe includes the giveaways/dump-ins you mention) is what really hurts.

For reference, standard deviation is ~ +/- 1, so being between 0 and -1 is ~ replacement level. Add in his usage and the picture becomes clear.