Team: 2015-16 Pittsburgh Penguins

Initial Creation Date: Jun. 18, 2015

Published: Jun. 18, 2015

Salary Cap Mode: Basic

I thought to myself "What would Jim Rutherford do?" based on his press releases and past moves:

Pens showed they were interested in Saad. So, Rutherford trades away one of those young defensemen to Toronto (who holds him over a barrel) for our 2016 2nd round pick back -- only to send the offer sheet that then Saad refuses to sign. Why would he leave a dynasty? Oops. No hair don't care: Pouliot was too inexperienced anyways.

He scrambles now, knowing he has to draft in the first round on this year's draft to make the suits happy, so he trades away Perron for a low round 1st from a very welcoming Flyers team. It's like we never made that trade in the first place right? Expect we're now picking 15 spots down where we should have been. "WHAT? WE HAVE A RIVALRY WITH THE PHILADELPHIA? I LOVE CHEESESTEAKS. WHERE DID I PARK MY CAR?"

But knowing he needs a winger solution ((because his scapegoat (Bennett) last year proved incapable, and Malkin to wing didn't pan out)) he gets the players he always wanted when he calls up Carolina. He trades away more of those young defesemen for his boy Semin and Staal who's contracts he personally inked. Reunited at last. Over-payed and under-performing.

And knowing his team is still missing some "experience" on defense (because even if you add up the ages of all the D on the team, they still aren't as old as Rutherford -and he won't stop until they are) he goes out and signs Timonen, who did absolutely nothing and got a cup. Maybe he can teach us the ways of sucking for years, only to get traded and win a cup like the Flyers seem to have mastered.

"And what's that? Leave some cap space in case of an injury? WHAT? SPEAK UP SONNY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LEAVE CAP SPACE? NO. THE MARIO SAID SPEND TO THE CAP! WE CAN PLAY WITH 5 D IF NEEDED. WE GOT TO WIN NOW!"

"I HOPE ROSSI ISN'T OUTSIDE WAITING FOR ME... GO CHECK FOR ME... "

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