Building a cup winner through stacking and persuasion

In this scenario, ARI basically give you Keller and Vejmelka for free (since you send two cap dumps the other way). Karlsson at 6.5 should also cost a lot more.

That offer wouldn't get you Karlsson without the retention.

Granlund has little positive value and Carter has none. That package wouldn't get you Arizona's starting goalie and Stecher, let alone their most valuable player, let alone their most valuable player with $17 million in retention from the most financially-strapped team in the NHL. That offer wouldn't get you Keller alone without retention, either.

You can't get very-high-quality players by trading away guys you don't want.

That Arizona trade is completely one-sided. As someone already pointed out, you're basically asking for their best player and arguably their best goalie for two future picks. That package MIGHT entice AZ to take on those two contracts without anything coming back from AZ, but they might even decline that.

With all due respect this is just completely unrealistic, and there’s no way that any of these teams do anything like this

That Keller trade has surpassed the idiotic TML proposals they always come up with for most one sided